Sexual intimacy is not the only ingredient in a healthy relationship, but it is an important factor in maintaining the bond of love between a man and a woman. So, when lack of desire, inability to perform, infections or other reproductive health issues make it difficult to enjoy intimacy, it can contribute to friction in a relationship.

In this month’s issue of Sunshine Sharing we’ll look at some of the health issues that can interfere with intimacy and offer some solutions using nutrients, herbs and lifestyle changes. We’ll start with the importance of desire for intimacy, and then move on to the various physical problems that can get in the way of intimacy such as poor circulation, erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness and more. We’ll finish our exploration of this topic with a discussion of infertility and offer some suggestions for couples who are experiencing difficulty conceiving.

Enhancing the Desire for Intimacy

Sometimes, a partner just isn’t “in the mood” for sexual intimacy. In fact, it’s a pretty common issue in relationships. In an article in Psychology Today, David Schnarch, PhD, indicated that 35% of the couples he surveyed almost always have problems with one partner lacking desire, while another 25% reported they usually have desire problems. In contrast, only 9% of couples reported rarely having desire problems and only 6% of couples never had problems with desire.

So, if your partner isn’t an Energizer Bunny (able to keep going and going) when it comes to sex, don’t worry, it’s pretty normal. Different couples settle into different patterns of frequency as shown in the sidebar below. If lack of desire is causing friction in the relationship, then consider some of the following solutions.

Lack of desire is usually a mixture of emotional or relationship issues and physical issues. Physically, sex requires energy. So, low thyroid, fatigue and stress can cause a partner to lose their libido. According to David Schnarch, what’s happening in the bedroom communicates very clearly what’s happening in the marriage. His book, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships discusses this issue in depth.

Romantic love requires constant courtship. So, it is essential couples communicate with each other about their emotional needs and build feelings of love by regularly doing things to show love and support for their partner. Two good resources for helping couples improve their relationship are the book His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Harley, Jr. and his website, marriagebuilders.com.

One simple thing to help rebuild desire is to not limit touch and affection to the times when you want sex. Regularly expressing feelings of love both verbally and non-verbally through holding hands, loving touch, cuddling and gentle kisses, can go along way towards rekindling the spark of desire. Also remember that humor is a great aphrodisiac.

Setting the Mood

Light some candles

The soft light and dancing flames cultivate primal instincts.

Use some essential oils

To evoke feelings of love and romance, try using some essential oils in a diffuser, spray or massage oil. The floral scents of rose, jasmine or ylang ylang are not only relaxing, they also evoke tender romantic feelings. If one or both of you are emotionally stressed out, try the deep, woody aroma of sandalwood to calm the mind and enhance the mood. Patchouli has also been considered an aphrodisiac, promoting feelings of happiness and gratitude. Don’t overdo it, though, as a little bit goes a long way.

Play some music

The right kind of music can inspire romance in uniquely powerful ways. Choose a genre and songs you both like to create just the right ambience.

Relax your partner with a massage

Set the mood and get your partner nice and relaxed by offering a non-sexual massage to start. A relaxing foot or scalp massage, for instance, can often lead to more intimate forms of touch.

Woman’s Herbs, Woman’s Health by Christopher Hobbs and Kathi Keville

Woman’s Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine by Tori Hudson

His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Harley, Jr.

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch

Strategies for Health by Steven Horne